Funny Video...9Ja hustle in UK

Cunning people

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly Urhobo man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.

A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased.

The man says, "Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!"
***************************************************

Another Urhobo man invited his friends for his father's burial, after lowering the coffin, they put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave.

A Hausa man asked why?

The Urhobo man smiled & said, ''According to our tradition, the dead man is going on a long journey & needs all the food items.

The Hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said ''When the food finish, buy more''.

The Yoruba man also dropped N50,000.

The Igbo man smiled and brought out his cheque book & wrote a cheque of N200,000 dropped it in the coffin & took the N150,000 notes as change saying to the dead man " nwanne withdraw wen you reach dia eehe.... "

Conversation of the day

Me: This dress seems to be getting tighter...Oh my God I hope i'm not adding weight, does this mean i'm adding weight?

PDoc: Nah..the fabric is most likely shrinking as they wash it.

*Sigh* what a sweet man...Lol!

Tribute to Desperate Housewives II

Ha! Ha!
Dear old crazy Susan...hopeless romantic, relative of Frank Spencer and Mr. Bean. hopeless meddler, desperate activist and complicator of even the simplest issues:)

Tribute to all Desperate Housewives

My best soap opera of all time- Desperate Housewives has ended finally.  I refuse to be sad..Lol!
No more hilarious but emotional roller coaster rides. Twas great while it lasted and I want to give a tribute to as many of those characters that entertained me and in some cases helped me understand human beings better.

So lets start with Gabrielle....lying,mischievous,scheming, extravagant, loyal, selfish, clueless, fashionista

BAD News for UNILAG BIG Boys and BIG Girls OH!

GEJ named your UNILAG after MKO...I feel it totally cheapens the school and robs it off some level of class but then again I might be wrong.  Let’s see how they manage it all.

GEJ Focus, Focus!!

In the mean time i’m laughing hard. Don’t ask me “kwhy?”  UNILAG peeps too dey pose.

Meanwhile the students above took to the street with their placards bearing wrongly spelt words.

*Whispering* Maybe the name suits afterall.

..But seriously GEJ...of all the issues in Nigeria this was the most original thing you and your advisers could come up with today?...smh! 

Maybe changing the name will reduce ASUU strikes...

Democracy....Demonstration of .....!

DAMN YOU RATS!!!!!

A young man of only 32 years of age that I personally know , died on Sunday the 27^th of May 2012 after being ill for just 1 Week. Name of illness....LASSA Fever.

And my nanny and maid are always wondering why I always go on and on about locking doors and keeping rats out!

Rats are evil, they are dirty. I am always excited when I smell a dead rat even if it is on the road. The smell is like Marijuana for me because prior to this incident I hated rats, and now I hate them even MORE.

Please maintain excellent hygiene in your homes. Keep rats out and if you can’t keep them out wash everything. Invest in washing up liquids and keep eating utensils and clothes clean. Iron your clothes and put them in boxes or bags and away from rats. Don’t know how the late Emmanuel Ohomele got affected with LASSA fever but it all happened in 1 week.

 He got better at first after probably taking malaria drugs *Im rolling my eyes at this point* then days later, he collapsed and shortly after he left this world.

P.S Always use straws for your soft drinks if you can’t wash the top...keep straws clean, beware of the hygiene conditions of takeaway packs and plastic spoons etc. God Help us all.

Rats and mosquitoes are a definite No NO!!

HELP! Naked Man on the streets of LA!

SO my people yesterday yours truly was driving along Awolowo road coming from Onikan axis just before Military hospital in Ikoyi, Lagos and there was a young man in the middle of the road...stark naked!

He did not look like a mad man to me and no I did not shut my eyes ....Hallo!!!! I was driving

I have three theories as to why that young man stood in the middle of the road naked looking ashamed.

The first one is that some native doctor told him that to make amends for his wrong deeds he has to stand naked at a junction. That was the first thing that came to my mind...I don’t know why. The guy looked very much with his senses. If that is true, he didn’t have to because the true God put His only son to shame for his sins so he doesn’t have to bear shame afresh. A simple repentant heart will solve everything.

Second theory is that he was dared for a large sum of money....hmmmm How much would make the guy do such a thing? You would be surprised to find it might be like 5k....some people are really cash strapped oh and don’t care much for hiding their body parts...ask Lagos conductors.

Once there is a fight these days the first action is to pull off all their clothes, and I mean ALL. One time the bus driver hit a jeep and he just alighted speedily and pulled off all his clothes and proceeded to prostrate flat on the ground for the jeep driver all in a matter of 2 seconds. As if it was the most realistic sequence of events in the world.

My mouth has not closed from shock since that incident 2 years ago...lol!

So my third theory is that maybe the guy hears voices and they told him to do it. In this case there is hope for him...He should come see my PDoc. Psychiatry has solutions...I know doctors don’t and shouldn’t advertise but honestly being married to a psychiatrist has opened my eyes to the fact that just as the body can breakdown and the emotions can breakdown...likewise the mind.

And just as some illnesses like malaria can be solved quickly while others like cancer need more work and research, likewise the diseases of the mind. I have seen so many success stories via PDoc’s practice and honestly if the guy is hearing voices then he needs to see PDoc FAST before they tell him to Jump from 3^rd Mainland Bridge.

It was not funny.

And where are the “authorities” when you need them?

If I was driving one -way now they would have come out with guns and bomb detectors...Mschewww!

Happy Democracy Day Everyone

Wow! Haven’t blogged for days ....some persons have threatened me for that. I am so sorry. Been chasing  some contracts like that and it has been so time consuming coupled with motherhood, wifehood and yes church hood...LOL!

Church activities can take your time oh. AH I remember one public holiday I was so looking forward to, I mean if it was food I would have taken a laxative, then settled into the chair with a napkin tucked under my chin and would have already been wielding my cutlery about to dig in.......

Then the announcement and text messages started flooding in...A program had been fixed for that day and as a committed member I had to be in church.*sigh* (Have I mentioned my PDoc serves as a pastor in my local church?)

I remember telling  him as we went to bed the night before that I was so tired and wished we didn’t have to go to church the next day, I just wanted to sleep the holiday aweee *Zambian accent*

He responded that David said in the book of psalms ...”I was glad when they said let us go into the house of the Lord”

And I responded in my most groggy, grumbling voice...”David wasn’t living in Lagos”.....Lol!

Anyway I did drag myself to church and as usual I forgot my laziness as soon as we got there I was so blessed and refreshed.  

We are first spirits and just as we feed our bodies with food, we need to feed our spirits as well and even more. That’s where our inner strength comes from and as for the work that we do in church...it’s an honour to attempt to do even a little something back in service to God. Don’t know about you but He has done so much for me, sometimes I am overwhelmed by His mercy, even more than His love.

How did I start preaching? LOL!
Ok so I have been busy, I am still busy but I am committed to blogging so let me get off my Lazy throne and get to blogging. Someone out there needs something good to read.

Gullible women

A friend asked a divorced woman: “When you were divorced you had only one child, How come now you have three children with your ex ?”The woman explained, “Well he comes here occasionally to apologize...

My people how do we help people like this? All them Lauryn Hill and co..

Some lessons life has taught me

1.   Life is tasteless without a purpose or vision.

2.  To catch a vision or find your purpose you need to be patient with yourself and believe you have one no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it might be.

3. When you discover even a tiny fraction of your vision or purpose, commit to it- it will grow from there.

4. Nobody's vision/purpose is inferior to the other. Someone invented the toilet, disposable diapers and even the push up bra! LOL....These things have added more value to lives than landings on the moon.

5.We are products of our choices in life.... A simple choice can change your life.

6. If you stop dreaming you will forget what your opportunities should look like.

7. You can’t start a long lasting business on a large scale. You should start small then grow big if you want to last long

8. There is no short cut to good long term success. A strong building must have a solid foundation.

9.  The truth will set you free but it might sting first. Don't be afraid to analyse the sting.

10.  Every failure is a learning opportunity. Learn and move on.

11. Money is important and powerful but it cannot replace good health, people and time.

12. If your neighbour has a problem and you look the other way, the problem will slowly creep into your house and who knows if your other neighbour will help you? So help your fellow man as much as you can.

13.There is a job for everyone. Beggars have a choice. Especially the female ones....people are looking for nannies.

14.  Never be tired of advertising what you do, Jesus has been advertising for over 2000 years and some people have still not heard of Him while some others have refused to patronize Him. So never get discouraged- keep moving

15.  The bible has some solid business ideas and principles ...you should try reading it.

I have plenty more J and I am still learning but digest these ones first;)

Nigerians hold Thanksgiving over Chelsea's victory

So I hear some people had thanksgiving today in a Catholic church in Lagos over the Chelsea victory yesterday. 

The way Nigerians follow the English league and make exaggerated efforts to be a part of it amazes me. 

Nigerian Football Association should bow in shame.

 Nigeria looks to the outside world for everything; education, health, entertainment, food, sports even toiletries....WHY?


Anyway congrats to all things and peeps BLUE.  

Eyinba kwenu O jare

Do you watch Fashion Police?

Fashion Police Cast

My question is how come Kelly O gets to talk about how people dress? Am i missing something???? Who saw what she wore for the Grammys, I thought they would drive her away from the show after that faux pas but how?....my dear girl was there next episode and she dared to nominate someone else as worst dressed.  It is well.

Then who has noticed that Joan wears the same black outfit on almost every show she just changes the jacket and accessories.Sharp woman but she should bleach or disinfect her mouth or something.


Guiliana...what a strong woman...highly inspiring!
George...Good heart

Below is Joan with her daughter Melissa who is the executive producer of the show.


Note to self...Girl put your mama on TV!!

Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa

My Sunday video just for you.....

I think the song says it all peeps. No matter what the challenge is ...Be encouraged ...keep your head up...Smile!

Mark Zuckerberg's status now "Married" on facebook

Hear they met at Harvard. 
Can totally relate...Pdoc and I met in UNIBEN lol!!
Congrats to the couple. 
Please the lady should not influence Mark so much that he will give us a "Made in China" Facebook oh.
Ha! Ha!

LIB comments on worm in salad....Hilarious!

Ha! Ha! LIB commenters wont kill me.


 I just visited Linda's blog and I read a story about a lady who went to an eatery (name withheld- even though all the evidence point to TFC) and there was a worm in her salad which seemed to be alive because the "posings" of the worm for the pictures were not constant.


Anyway the gist for me is the hilarious comments which followed the story.
See them HERE


Some made sense. Others just cracked me up.


I think the lady should sue or else nobody will sit up. 
No hard feelings to the eatery owner. it's nothing personal  but people are falling seriously ill in Nigeria and the health standard for now is zero over a billion.


 We need to do the best to protect ourselves so we can to stay safe.

Big Brother's female presenter who did you offend?

 So the female compere on the highlight show of Big Brother Star games (my kinda dream job something) is from Uganda.

Her name is Flavia and she is also a Radio/Tv show host many many things like IK.

See her below: 

I saw this article as posted by the website administrator of the Big Brother website.

First I suspect it was written by a guy...a sarcastic, crazy guy who does not like this girl at all. 

I laughed so hard!.... but seriously some of these comments are tough but you will understand if you watch the show.

Almost every word here is obviously true. LOL!!

10 Reasons why Flavia was chosen to host Big Brother star games with IK

 

1: The obvious reason. She’s hot. What can’t you see?

2: Okay, many people are hot but they were not chosen.

Well, Flavia is also smart. She bes as if when she talks well,

not like that sentence. She has high cognitive skills. (don't

 understand this sentence though probably there are some

errors there.)

3: Susan Nava wasn’t available.

4: IK really needed her. He is getting on in years. He can no

longer handle the job alone.

5: We needed to show Africa that not all Ugandan women

are like Sharon O. Some of them speak well.

6: She didn’t manage to get to be the housemate, and this

was the next best thing.

7: J. Cole wanted to meet the chick who presents his music

 to Ugandans on radio so they can go and pirate it.

8: That pink dress needed a challenge and only Ugandan

hips can give it a real workout

9: She wants to upgrade from a Rav 4 to maybe an Ipsum

and Endemol pays well.

10: Once again, she’s hot. Seriously, what can’t you see?

 What a wicked administrator...kai!

I LOVE GLEE SO MUCH!!! featuring Gwyneth Paltrow

 Their creativity inspires me, kudos to the producers especially.
 I hear Finn (Cory Monteith) and Rachel (Lea Michele) are dating in real life now....interesting.

TGIF!!!!!

As seen on a friend's BB status

"You didnt do any work from Monday to Thursday- You now put Thank God it's Friday as your status #Godiswatchingu!

Lol!!...so true

AIRTEL MILLIONAIRE PROMO

100 Millionaires to emerge in Airtel Free Millionaire Mega Promo. Be one of them! Text FREE to 3030 for free.

Mbok my peeps give it a try oh I know a good number of people who have done some significant stuff in their lives with this kind of  "winnings".

Who knows .....e fit be your turn.

Also follow @AirtelNigeria on twitter and like their face book page www.facebook.com/airtelng this will qualify you for some free airtime this weekend but you have to be glued to their space because it could happen at any time.

Its been happening and its been crazy some guy loaded more than once as I hear.:)

At times like this I wish I needed airtime....but i don't...wink!

Indians spray money too at weddings

I came across this video and alas i was amused to see towards the end that indians spray money at weddings too.

Meanwhile with this cashless Lagos matters how e go be?

Body Magic (Music video) by AMAIKAH

 Have you ever heard of God Bless and Ebony Band ...one of the top three celebrity bands in Nigeria?

The owner of the band is God Bless-Amaikah is his wife ...she sings in the band, they actually met like that....hot love story...*wink!

.....Well she is still a lead vocal on the band and they are blessed with 3 kids inclusive of a set of lovely twins all under the age of 6 and she still looks really good doesn't she....na the body magic something?

I no know oh.

She also has her own band but they sing her original songs only.

If you listen to Chaz B's show on 92.3 Inspiration FM, the soundtrack of the show is from her song Moonlight Tales.

Amaikah rocks on stage and in her videos....if you would like to hook up with her follow her on twitter @AmaikahA

Na my friend oh and i'm very proud of her, her passion for music and her accomplishments while balancing her happy home with Oga GB.

Expensive Date

As seen on  Mc Accapela's Facebook page

Still on the same issue 

"A guy takes a girl on a date. She orders costly champagne, oysters, lobsters, the most expensive food on the menu. The guy asks: “Do you eat like this at your mom’s place?” The girl replies, “No, my mother doesn’t plan to sleep with me after the meal!!! "

A girl I know, once complained bitterly that a guy took her to the cinema and didnt buy her anything to eat during the movie or after and she hadnt eaten all day in anticpation of the date.

She was really bitter- i guess largely from the hunger pangs as this was by the next morning and she seemed not to have had anything for breakfast yet.

Ladies whats the issue with you people and food?

Una no dey cook for house?

Soffery oh!!! Abi how dem dey spell am?

 

 

 

APAPA Traffic

God bless abundantly whoever drove the tankers and trailers away from parking on Apapa express way. The level of nuisance those things were causing was the 11th wonder of the world.

Before, Apapa was for mature drivers only!
Mature in skills, mature in patience, mature in giving and recieving insults.  You could threaten someone with APAPA traffic and the person would confess to crimes not even commited but thanks be to God for answers to accumulated prayers.

Please what they have done for Apapa they should do to other traffic infested areas so Lagos will be a better place to move around in.

Eko O ni baje o!!



APAPA before

APAPA now .....ok without the trees, the divider, the white lines and street lights.
You get the picture don't you...Lol

Who wants to be a Millionaire?

O Kpari!!!

May God deliver Nigeria

But wait since I started this blog and my email addy became "public" knowledege i cannot count the number of these type of mails that I recieve in a week. What is the problem people?

There are more than enough genuine things out there for people to do for clean money and I'm not talking about white collar jobs alone.

There are so many decent business ideas one can start and run with and dont start that "I dont have capital" excuse!

Look around you. Open your mind. Think!...Thinking still works wonders.

 This scam mails are getting old my people.

Quote of the day - GEJ versus BRF!!!

GEJ...Power to the People!

BRF....Action!

"You people should stop comparing Goodluck Jonathan and Babatunde Fashola.....Fashola is more exposed than Goodluck infact Yoruba people are the most exposed tribe in Nigeria.
 They travel a lot and so it exposes them. Assuming it was Ibo people that discovered the UK first, they would have hidden their findings and kept the discovery to themselves but Yoruba people shared their findings and today most places in Nigeria are exposed because of them so stop comparing Goodluck and Fashola, they are not on the same level of expoure"

.....A Female Bayelsan  Activist (Name witheld because the name might not ring any bells)....do you agree, disagree, like to meet her? Test the comment button with your response please.

 ...I have heard your complaints and I am doing my best to understand why the comment button responds to some and does not respond to others. 

Bear wit me please and keep trying..

1000 Apologies

EDGE BUSINESS SCHOOL (NEW SESSION)

The Edge business school....(of which I am an alumunus) is here again and  I encourage you to attend if you are starting a business, growing a business or need a refresher.

It guarantees value,learning and networking opportunities.

Hear from the school proprietor below:

"Too many people start businesses without getting any kind of training and it shows. I cannot count how many people I speak to on a weekly basis that have stories of either a failed business or a bad investment into a business they just started. Billions of money is lost because too many people dabble into businesses without any formal training or proper mentoring;

 90% of businesses in Nigeria die 5 years after starting and a major portion of the remaining 10% never even grow beyond the teething stage.

By learning about business or getting a formal training in business you are 30% more likely to succeed than the average entrepreneur out there.

 

You don’t have to make the same mistakes. There is a better way. "

 

Basic Entrepreneurship Course

Time: 8:00am – 1pm daily.

Date: Monday 11th – 22nd June, 2012

Venue: THE EDGE BUSINESS SCHOOL

For more information Call: 0807 771 4413, 0802 538 6363

or write: info@edgebusinessschool.org

Website: http://www.edgebusinessschool.org/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/312520071076/

This Avengers Movie

Just finished watching the avengers with Pdoc....I guess it's the 3D version in the cinema that is blowing minds because (or as my daughter used to say)...shecause....It didn't do anything for me.


If that makes me weird then spell it in big caps please...thanks.....YAWN!!! unto the next thing please..


*whispering* Ok so I watched the pirated version....shame to pirates!!! For the record I didnt buy it, got it from someone who got it from someone....dont arrest me please.
Meanwhile was chatting with Joan Rivers via Fashion Police yesterday and found out Jennifer Aniston is also planning a wedding. Hope she isn't just trying to save face....it's not worth it.


How was your weekend? Spent mine resting in bed welcoming the rains.


Life is sweet.

Quote of the day

" Life is too short to commit suicide.Be patient, you will still die."
.....As seen on a friend's BB status


Chigo says...HIA!!!!

Celebrating my Jesus

Just want to take some insufficient space to celebrate my King, my Lord, my Director and Master.

 The one who found me when I was trash and dusted me then set me upon a mantle in a choice place. He took me and made me beautiful....He has shown me love, He has shown me Grace, He has shown me Favor, He has shown me Mercy. 

His Kindness to me is incomparable to the greatest kindness any living being has ever shown me.

 He has been a Father, a Friend, a Lover,a Helper, a Provider, Healer, Savior, Counselor and Comforter.

I believe Jesus once walked on earth and did EVERYTHING the bible said He did. 

I don't believe it just because I was raised in a Christian home but because I have discovered Christ for myself. 


That is why I truly believe that one day He will return for me and mine to take us to a better place..... for my confidence in serving Him  is not only for what He can do for me in this life but I look forward to serving Him in appreciation for all He has done for me and how will I get the opportunity to say Thank you in person if I don't wait on Him and for Him? 

So I choose to keep waiting and while I wait...I serve Him
and as I serve Him I know Him 
and as I know Him I love Him more and more


It is an Honor and Privilege to have Him as my God and It is my pleasure to serve and worship Him.

I celebrate the Master of the Universe, the visionary of Life, Miracle worker, Faithful Shepherd ...My Yesterday, my Today and my Forever.... I worship YOU.


If you have not made Christ your Lord and Savior yet then I encourage you to do so.
Find Him and hide Him in your heart. 
He is the only way to Eternal Life and If you have found Him then hold Him tight don't let go. 
Nothing else matters! No one else lasts and loves forever

Only a Mother Would know

True story from someone who wants to share

  

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home.

My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' 

Mum waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a mother would know),

"'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

Introducing Pot-A- Soup

So I know this caterer who cooks for homes, busy working moms, lazy wives who have accepted their defeat, bachelors etc The soups are delicious and the prices are friendly visit their website at www.potasoup.ng  for more details.

I know so many satisfied customers but here is the testimony of a bachelor who did not want to give room to the devil....

"How ∂σ I explain living in Lagos with the traffic, hustles etc and then having to eat in restaurants because ₪o time to cook?

Well, even if I had the time, I can't cook.

With мy fiancé being away, many gurlz wanna come help cook 4 мε ;;).

But being the gentleman that I αм, I took the sιмplε wαy out...

I called POT-A-SOUP on 08023999767/08082508616 and within a few hrs, they delivered the variety of soups I requested for and it was quite cheap!

Yσυ кησw that the wαy to α man's heart ιs thru his stomach!

I bet yσυ now understand wнч I'm sending this broadcast to recommend them

So if yσυ ever nεεd α POT-A-SOUP, call 08023999767/08082508616 and place υя order! Satisfaction guaranteed".

Kids say the darndest things

3-year-old Reese :

'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,

Harold is His name.

Amen.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:

'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.

I'm having a real good time like I am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,

Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied,

'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,

and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed,

'And forgive us our trash baskets

as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they

were on the way to church service,

'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'

One bright little girl replied,

'Because people are sleeping.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,

'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,

' Ryan , you be Jesus !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

'Would you like to say the blessing?'

'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.

'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~