Friday 21 September 2012

I beg to apply ...LOL! Real Mistakes on Resumes


Hilarious….

These are from actual resumes:

1. "Personal:
  I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.


2. "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

3. "Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

4, "I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

5. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

6. "Number of dependents: 40."

7. "Marital Status: Often.

 
8. Children: Various."

RESUME BLOOPERS

"
Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat -just like my three previous employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."


PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"
Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education:
College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience:
Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

Friday 14 September 2012

And they have gone after my Kate...




...But why would the media be so heartless to take pictures of Kate Middleton while vacationing with her husband? So unfair. They shouldn't start with her oh.. Kate is not  Diana...she's got bite...I would know...we are BFFs...Lol!

Thank God she was with her husband in the picture sha, it could have been worse ....Lol!

About the woman who gave birth to a horse

I recently read on Linda's blog about a woman who delivered a horse during a deliverance service (or something like that) in church. I would have dusted it off as a lie but there were pictures and all so.....

Anyway I kept cracking my brain on what could possibly have happened until a friend on face book demystified it for me....

This woman may have slept with a horse for money, it is as simple as that.

Our world today, we like to make things mysterious and I have come to learn that some church goers tell lies and are experts in covering secrets....hehe!

Nigerians biko leave this sleeping with animal matter for Americans oh...We dont have the resources to manage the problems which can arise from this type of bad behaviour.  Oshe!!!

Monday 10 September 2012

Helpmate of the year!

No comment...haha!

There is no profit in fat!!!

Eat healthy, Move your body, Make better choices

HOMEMAKERS....Superwomen to the rescue!



 
HomeMakers is a unique interactive radio programme set to hit the airwaves from Tuesday, 18th September.  The programme will be broadcast every Tuesday, 5-6PM on Nigeria’s number 1 Family Radio Station, Inspiration FM.
 
With a clear focus on the Mature Woman (single, married, divorced, widowed), HomeMakers seeks to offer a listening ear to the Woman who is ‘silently’ under immense pressure from the Society and often has to mask her deep burdens with an external façade of the SUPERWOMAN, a title the Society has bestowed on her due to her ability to manage her multi-faceted role of Wife, Mother, Executive, Businesswoman to mention a few.
Being ‘Superwoman’ is not Super Human. Today’s woman desperately seeks to be heard, understood, appreciated and cared for. It is therefore against this backdrop that HomeMakers is being introduced to share women’s burdens, offer expert advice and celebrate their triumphs along the tasking journey of homemaking.
HomeMakers will be sponsored by Nigeria’s top brands from the stables of Unilever Plc. Omo, the nation’s number 1 detergent takes the role of Lead Sponsor, supported by Knorr and Lifebuoy.
The show will be hosted by Chigozirim Otefe- Edebi: Wife, Mum, respectable Home-maker and Public Speaking Expert. Chigo is extremely passionate about homebuilding and involved in several women empowerment initiatives.
Let the countdown begin!!!
 

 

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